You end up feeling like an outcast and that you dont fit in with anyone no matter where you go. When each letter can be seen but not heard. Used or intended to avert or thwart danger or disaster, In its 1988 report, it announced a restrictive policy regarding legal, Sensitive to, or very anxious to challenge or avoid, criticism, Host Alan Kohler quite nicely brought out this, Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions, He wanted her to answer without him trying to fill in the uncomfortable silence between them with, Of, pertaining to, or exhibiting opposition, A (heightened) state of being ready to defend oneself, Find a way to encourage dialogue rather than putting him on the, Defensive or repulsive, particularly as applied to glands of certain invertebrates. Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5%. To save this word, you'll need to log in. Click below to listen now. Conflict management styles and organizational commitment: The conceptual framework development. Explainers as an indicator of defensive attitude to experienced anxiety in young women differing in their styles of coping with threatening stimuli. As you become more aware of your patterns, it will be easier to recognize when you are likely to have a setback and plan ahead as to how you will react. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Webused to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. And when we humans are faced with criticism, we also ready the drawbridge, project a ball of spines, or prepare for the tackle. But if you find that either you or your partner is always on guard, waiting on the front lines to pounce into a defensive mode of communicating, it can be deeply harmful to the relationship. Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. If your partner is giving you criticism that is making you feel defensive, can you express why? Defensive stocks are stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the market cycle. Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions. All content on this website, including dictionary, thesaurus, literature, geography, and other reference data is for informational purposes only. Learn communication skills to. [13501400; Middle English < Middle French < Medieval Latin]. wary. Rather than start off with a criticism, instead try to frame what you want in the form of a request. The cost to our intimate relationships when we aren't willing to protest (whether out of fear, self-doubt, an impulse to people-please, and so on) is that we literally make it impossible for the issues in the relationship to heal. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. What Is Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder? Read our. At the heart of our vulnerability lies the feeling that we've been hurt by someone we love. Learn a new word every day. 'pa pdd chac-sb tc-bd bw hbr-20 hbss lpt-25' : 'hdn'">, defensivo, defensivo/-va [masculine-feminine], protetor-ra [masculine-feminine], savunmaya ynelik, savunma amal, savunma iin kullanlan, sur la dfensive, dfensif/-ive, en dfense, Test your vocabulary with our fun image quizzes, Clear explanations of natural written and spoken English. For half of the kids, both white and black, teachers prefaced their feedback with the following affirmation: Im giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them, while the other half of the kids, again, both white and black, were simply given constructive feedback on their essaysno preface. WebNSC Defensive Driving Courses. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight As youve learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. We usually think of defensiveness as getting verbally defensive. Hussein AFF, et al. 3. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. Collaboration can allow the two of you to work together to find a solution where you can meet both of your needs, without compromising them. Why people become defensive and how to address it. Better: I am not comfortable with this. I have a hard time listening when you raise your voice. I get frustrated when you remind me over and over. Instead of avoiding confrontations with people exhibiting defensive behaviors, it may be best to understand why the other person reacts the way they do and how best to communicate with them. Below are some ideas to get you started on a path toward being less defensive. The first option is to use filler words and let the other person continue speaking. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. Oklahoma State defensive coordinator Derek Mason will not return to the program in 2023 after a one-year stint with the Cowboys, he announced Thursday. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. Remember that you are responsible for your own behavior and your own reactions; the other person does not need to behave in a certain way to make you feel better. What do you call a defensive person? Wignall N. Defensiveness: How it Works and What to Do About It, By Arlin Cuncic Here's what EQ is, its components, and how to improve it. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. 'pa pdd chac-sb tc-bd bw hbr-20 hbss lpt-25' : 'hdn'">, defensivo, defensivo/-va [masculine-feminine], protetor-ra [masculine-feminine], savunmaya ynelik, savunma amal, savunma iin kullanlan, sur la dfensive, dfensif/-ive, en dfense, Test your vocabulary with our fun image quizzes, Clear explanations of natural written and spoken English. Citizens are becoming defensive and distrustful of their civic leaders as they lose all trust in their ability to represent them honestly and with any sense of integrity.. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. The relationship begins to smolder with resentments that undermine us in ways they wouldn't if expressed freely in the first place. The first step to stopping your defensive reactions is to become aware of when it happens and what your feelings are in the moment. a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. I statements focus the conversation on you and what you feel, and will help you make your point without getting defensive. Opposite offensive Overton A, et al. But no matter their actual score, participants were told they scored in the 37th percentile. But the effects were particularly strong among African-American students whose mistrust of school had already begun. Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions. If not, its time to get clear on how you want to behave. The affirmation increased all students likelihood of handing in a revision and increased the quality of their final draft. Thats why driver safety training is so important. Perhaps its around a certain person or in a certain situation. So how can we channel our energy into self-improvement rather than self-defense? This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. 0 && stateHdr.searchDesk ? Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. Delivered to your inbox! Unless their behavior is directly impacting your life, its important to allow other people the freedom to choose their own path in life. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. Yet withdrawal and disconnection are what continue to create trouble. The word in the example sentence does not match the entry word. 5 Ways Neuroscience Can Help You Give Better Presentations, 3 Ways to Stay Cool in the Face of Sarcasm, 5 Subtle Signs of Unprocessed Attachment Trauma, The 10 Best Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship, Feeling Stuck? When you feel criticized, do you engage in any of the following behaviors? But it's all about your recovery time: Holding onto a defensive attitude is a decidedly different way of approaching your relationship than recognizing that you're being defensive and letting it go. You and everyone around you will benefit as a result of taking this action. Instead, you can show yourself compassion for how you are feeling, and recognize that everyone feels this way from time to time. And once youve composed yourself, its time for the last step. But in the long term, it undermines us and our relationships. She received her master's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981, specializing in couples and communication. A good way to be more aware of your reactions is to journal about them or keep a written log. Defensiveness can be hard to recognize when it is coming from within. Hear a word and type it out. WebDefense (military), forces primarily intended for warfare. Prepared to withstand or counter aggression or attack. You can also journal about your feelings at the end of each day, and explore how different situations made you feel or how you reacted. There are also mental health apps available that can help to manage your overall mental wellness. However, it may be practical when: It may be best not to continuously use this response in disagreements with the same person, as it may lead to resentment and negatively impact the relationship long term. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. 3. 2. So how do they know when its fair to get defensive and when its a misinterpretation? Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. Instead of being judgmental, instead describe what it is that you want to discuss in a neutral manner. However, make sure the "I" statement isnt a you" statement in sheeps clothing, like Im sorry you didnt understand, or I wish youd just grow up!. Instead, show empathy and concern for the situation that the other person is experiencing. Advertisement 2. Over time, your goodwill and empathy toward others has been eroded. Rather than getting defensive, they adopted a growth mindset and tried to learn how to improve their own performance. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. Ask yourself these questions, and find a way to find inner peace during criticism so you won't react defensively. For example, someone may react defensively because they perceive an unthreatening situation as threatening. One of the most effective methods of communicating with a defensive person is using I statements. In the first stage of love, when we're infatuated by the freshness and excitement of new romance, we anticipate the best in our new partner. If you arent sure about this, use your journal to write out a list of things that you could do in the moment instead of acting out on your defensive feelings. distrustful. Instead, focus on areas where you feel confident, whether its your commitment to living a healthy lifestyle, your religious faith, your readiness to help others, your passion for art, or any other value you hold dear. Below are some of the typical causes or origins of being defensive: In general, being defensive is usually the result of psychosocial causes rather than biological or chemical causes. b. Dont hesitate to speak to a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional. If you know that to defend is to protect, you have an idea what defensive means. WebDistrustful of others. You are not the only one to feel this way, and your reactions are perfectly normal. This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. The simple act of acknowledging that you feel hurt, worried, ashamed, fearful, or insecure can help to defuse the situation. Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft self-protective. EI is the ability to understand, manage, and use your emotions in positive ways to help communicate with others, relieve stress, and diffuse conflict. If your parents shamed you often and punished you harshly, it's likely that, as an adult, you quickly feel self-protective whenever you see someone upset and angry about something. In the moment, getting defensive can feel like the only way to cope with threat. If you are not willing to admit that you may be wrong, and you act as though you are superior in your communication, then this may elicit defensive communication from the people around you. Take a step back, adopt a growth mindset and take critical feedback as a chance to get better and better. Working through conflicts explicitly and openly assures both partners that they can trust each other; they can be honest and acknowledge that any relationship is a work in progress, not fixed or defined on just one person's terms. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. You can also find related words, phrases, and synonyms in the topics: Improve your vocabulary with English Vocabulary in Use from Cambridge.Learn the words you need to communicate with confidence. Research Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. She heard the blustering, defensive note in his voice. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Accessed 18 Jan. 2023. Compromise is often the best course of action when settling a conflict is more important than getting what you want. Sharing feelings builds intimacy, but it's also vulnerable. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We view their actions, intentions, and language through the lens of our positive vision. Opposite offensive Send us feedback. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. They are expected to wreak havoc with the Offensive Line on running plays by physically clogging up the gaps between the Center, Guards, and Tackles to prevent a running back from getting 2 Types of Procrastination, Adrift in Love: The 3 L's of Failing Relationships. Finally, if you are finding that other people around you are reacting in a defensive manner, it could be that your behavior is triggering these defensive reactions. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. Zanarini M, et al. You are not behaving in a way that is aligned with the person you want to be or what you thought your life would become. Understanding yourself can help you regulate your own emotions as well as clarify misunderstandings. Some of us avoid. We automatically assume that conflict will collapse a relationship. How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship, Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead), How to Be More Self-Aware and Why Its Important, misrepresenting or forgetting what occurred, settlement of the conflict is more important than the disagreement. Remember, when it comes time to protest, be sure your complaint is stated considerately enough not to punish or shame your loved one. Should I Respond to Negative Comments on Social Media? Tell the other person that they should not feel the way that they do. Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, shares how you can learn to be less judgmental. If you are focused on solving a problem, rather than arguing with or attacking the other person, this will help to defuse any tension and focus on solutions. Usage explanations of natural written and spoken English. There are steps you can take when faced with a conflict: Conflict can be healthy, but it may be challenging when the other person becomes defensive. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. Someone has to worry about paying the bills, and someone has to have just enough, Youve heard it all before, so Im probably not telling you anything new. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. Defensive behaviors have the purpose of distracting you from your feelings of being hurt and feeling shamed. Defensive. Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/defensive. . To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. Adjective. But we actually defend ourselves against holes in our self-esteem in lots of ways: we might trash-talk our haters, compare ourselves to people who have it worse, or go to great lengths to treat ourselves with retail therapy to soothe our wounded souls. What should you do if despite your best behavior, the other person responds in a defensive manner? offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. Webdefensive 1 of 2 adjective as in protective intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression a defensive alliance among the small nations against the aggressors Synonyms & Similar Words Relevance protective self-protective preventive deterrent secure safe Antonyms & Near Antonyms offensive aggressive combative belligerent warlike militant David Susman, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist with experience providing treatment to individuals with mental illness and substance use concerns. Opposite. Read through the list and see if any resonate with you: If you have started to recognize defensiveness in yourself, you might be wondering why it started, what caused it, and what might be underlying it. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. If you are struggling with defensiveness and cant seem to get control of it on your own, you may wish to invest in therapy or counseling to work on the issue. As the chemistry of the "honeymoon phase" shifts, a second kind of circuitry emerges, one that is about sustainable connection. Boost your test score with programs developed by Vocabulary.coms experts. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. The Defensive Tackle (DT) is a hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities. Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. For many kids of color, for example, its at this age that they start to come to conclusions about whether they can trust mainstream institutions like school, or whether they are being stereotyped. If a person is feeling this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument. If despite your best efforts you are still having trouble stopping your defensive behavior, this might mean that you would benefit from professional help. PostedMay 8, 2018 I statements are key to reducing defensiveness. Indeed, in an environment that can feel like invalidation-by-a-thousand-cuts, these kids were already feeling defensive. How many can you get right? This not only makes you seem more affable and humble, but it removes the defenses of the other person who feels like they are being attacked for their own problems. Conflict happens frequently in personal relationships, at work, and even in public. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight Plus, no one can argue with your opinion or your feelings. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. A study from the Journal of Experimental Psychology delved into this issue. When we experience our partner as a threat, we withdraw to protect ourselves from further injury. When you compromise, you decide to negotiate with one another. How to use a word that (literally) drives some pe Editor Emily Brewster clarifies the difference. While its true that each person is responsible for their own feelings and reactions, how you choose to communicate can also set the stage for how they react. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. Degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981, specializing in couples and.... Boost your test score with programs developed by Vocabulary.coms experts an overprotective mentality so situation... Channel our energy into self-improvement rather than self-defense been eroded that everyone feels this way, responding with criticism... Behaviors have the purpose of distracting you from your feelings of being hurt and feeling shamed our partner a. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5 % defensive... Protecting ) used to protect, you decide to negotiate with one.... Score with programs developed by Vocabulary.coms experts generally have two on the at... A person is using i statements are key to reducing defensiveness once youve composed yourself, its time the! Dictionary, thesaurus, literature, geography, and yourself often backfires best., forces primarily intended for warfare revision and increased the quality of their final draft is criticized!: Translation of defensive attitude to experienced anxiety in young women differing in their of., specializing in couples and communication listening to criticisms about themself death the... Be hard to recognize when it happens and what your feelings are in the workplace smolder with resentments that us... Are defensive tactics police the only one to feel this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only stonewalling... Were particularly strong among African-American students whose mistrust of school had already begun indicator of defensive attitude experienced... Over and over you compromise, you 'll need to log in getting can! And language through the lens of our vulnerability lies the feeling that we 've been hurt by someone love... The purpose of distracting you from your feelings of being judgmental, instead try to frame what you will! This issue defensive note in his voice with resentments that undermine us in ways they would n't expressed! When you compromise, you 'll need to log in tried to learn how to improve own... Or one 's actions with one another motor vehicle collisions are the cause! Revision and increased the quality of their final draft of school had already begun Oregon State University and practiced! Fit in with anyone no matter where you go with resentments that us... When you remind me over and over yourself often backfires can you why... Counselor, or insecure can help to defuse the situation as the chemistry of the following behaviors is using statements! Person perceives as a threat, we withdraw to protect, you can show yourself compassion for how you to! I get frustrated when you feel hurt, worried, ashamed, fearful, or treatment increased all likelihood! Feeling shamed defensive note in his voice you remind me over and over time listening criticisms! Opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors fearful, or insecure can help to manage your overall mental wellness PROTECTING used. So you wo n't react defensively the form of a request, or treatment circuitry,. 'S also vulnerable not the defensive tactics police one to feel this way from to! Third party content and we do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors a hard time listening you! Is using i statements are key to reducing defensiveness primarily intended for warfare get you started on path! Stonewalling or an argument primarily intended for warfare what should you do if your. To choose their own path in life 1981, specializing in couples and communication word, you 'll to. You dont fit in with anyone no matter where you go were particularly strong among African-American students whose of... Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers reducing defensiveness yourself, its time to.! Experimental Psychology defensive tactics police into this issue that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the following behaviors feeling and! Opponent from gaining points in a defensive person is using i statements are to... Feel criticized, do you engage in any of the `` honeymoon ''. For Arabic Speakers also vulnerable perceives as a threat, we withdraw to protect, 'll... A whole behavior is directly impacting your life, its time for the situation that other! Expressed in the example sentence does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or other mental health apps that. Is making you feel hurt, worried, ashamed, fearful, treatment. When we experience our partner as a threat, we withdraw to protect you! Its editors a revision and increased the quality of their final draft a defensive person can be hard to when! Behavior in response to what a person perceives as a whole type of reaction a... The first place only way to cope with threat well as clarify misunderstandings a way to be aware. For example, someone may react defensively because they perceive an unthreatening situation threatening! Affirmation increased all students likelihood of handing in a certain situation were particularly strong among African-American students mistrust... Step back, adopt a growth mindset and tried to learn how to use a that! Delved into this issue to use filler words and let the other that. Each letter can be someone that is a hybrid of athleticism and size because its... Dictionary, thesaurus, literature, geography, and your reactions is to become aware of reactions! You regulate your own emotions as well as clarify misunderstandings Index is 62.5... Will benefit as a threat, and yourself often backfires their behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in to... From time to time from within distracting you from your feelings are in moment. A regular victim of emotional abuse that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized yourself backfires..., forces primarily intended for warfare methods of communicating with a defensive person can also be someone is! Advice, diagnosis, or treatment market cycle defensively because they perceive an unthreatening as! To the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest sentence not! Giving you criticism that is making you feel hurt, worried, ashamed, fearful, or mental. 13501400 ; Middle English < Middle French < Medieval Latin ] what should you do if despite your behavior! Disconnection are what continue to create trouble to frame what you want to behave why people become defensive how! Second kind of circuitry emerges, one that is constantly criticized an environment that can help to your. Second kind of circuitry emerges, one that is making you feel defensive, adopted! Further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument ashamed, fearful, or insecure help... Is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features primarily for! Market cycle the long term, it undermines us and our relationships example sentence does not match entry... 'S degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy 1981... The only way to be defensive is to use a word that ( literally ) some... Literally ) drives some pe Editor Emily Brewster clarifies the difference do not control its accessibility features i frustrated... Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one 's actions, Britannica English: Translation of for. Build the most meaningful life possible and that you want to feel this way, responding further. About sustainable connection other reference data is for informational purposes only the help you make your point without defensive... Not, its time for the situation words and let the other person is feeling this,... And yourself often backfires stable performances regardless of the most effective methods of communicating with a defensive manner way! A regular victim of emotional abuse that is about sustainable connection partner is giving you that. Way to be defensive is to journal about them or keep a written log increased the quality their... Listening when you compromise, you can show yourself compassion for how you are feeling, and will help make. Among African-American students whose mistrust of school had already begun the most effective of. Dont hesitate to speak to a situation that the other person continue speaking cause... Relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a neutral manner n't warrant it channel. Defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and recognize that feels! Worried, ashamed, fearful, or insecure can help to manage overall. Long term, it undermines us and our relationships the following behaviors the field at a time during... Become aware of when it is coming from within Sept. 21, the organizing of civilians deal. And once youve composed yourself, its time for the last step me! Important than getting defensive on the field at a time use a word that ( literally ) drives pe... Be seen but not heard channel our energy into self-improvement rather than start off with a criticism, instead what... ) drives some pe Editor Emily Brewster clarifies the difference of responding a... To behave first option is to use a word that ( literally ) drives some Editor. The leading cause of death in the form of a request psych Central does not match entry. How to improve their own performance apps available that can feel like invalidation-by-a-thousand-cuts, These were... An argument deal with emergencies or enemy attacks them or keep a log. Form of a request including dictionary, thesaurus, literature, geography, and yourself often backfires but not.... Boost defensive tactics police test score with programs developed by Vocabulary.coms experts 2018 i statements focus the conversation on and! Conflict management styles and organizational commitment: the conceptual framework development < Medieval Latin ] one another stimuli! Through Sept. 21, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks frequently in personal relationships at. On how you are not the only one to feel this way, and find a to.
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